10 Fatherhood Philosophies to Shape Your Child's Future
Why an intentional fatherhood philosophy is the new blueprint for success
My 7-year-old son loves math. He draws pictures of Pi and writes out the largest numbers he can imagine. I think plenty of fathers would leave it at that—mission accomplished, career assured.
On the other hand, I have tried redirecting his focus countless times. We work on activities centered around empathy, gratitude, mindfulness, understanding big emotions, etc.
In the end, he inevitably chooses his math activities over Daddy’s empathy exercises (who wouldn’t?). But it got me thinking a lot about the type of child we want to raise—an academically-focused one, a happy one, an athlete. Our intentions shape our approach to our children.
How many of us have defined our specific approach to raising our kids?
Fatherhood Philosophies: Defining Our Guiding Principles
As leaders, we know that without a clear vision, strategic initiatives often fail when urgent distractions get in the way or the team chases the shiny object in front of them. In the workplace, this leads to confusion, misaligned priorities, and burnout. Similarly, in fatherhood, if we don’t have a defined philosophy, our parenting can become reactive and inconsistent. We might focus too much on short-term issues—like a bad grade or a misbehavior—without considering the bigger picture of who we want our child to become.
Whether we realize it or not, every dad has a fatherhood philosophy. We are raising children based on our values, experiences, and beliefs. However, there’s immense power in being intentional about this. Defining a clear philosophy as a father helps us support our children’s growth in a balanced way.
Do we know, specifically, what kind of father we want to be? We (should) write down our work and career goals—the same is true in fatherhood. Start by considering these 10 questions:
Intention: Do I have a specific way I want to show up for my kids every day? Am I always getting down to their level and participating in whatever they are interested in—from tea parties to soccer matches? Ambitious Dad Richard Resnick’s intention was clear: “Unconditional love and support. I want to be the dad who coaches forward and not backward and gives his kids the belief that they can truly do anything they choose to."
Philosophy: What type of relationship do I want to cultivate with each of my children? “There are things unique to each of my children,” explained Scott Klausner, “and my primary role is to facilitate each child’s journey with patience, understanding, and love, rather than impose a one-size-fits-all approach.”
Values: What values do I want to instill in my children through my actions? What behaviors am I modeling that reflect these values? Ambitious Dad and CEO Avinash Lobo shared, “Our emphasis is on kindness and empathy rather than academic excellence. I’m deliberate about this and the spiritual part of their lives.”
Bonding: Do I know what traditions I want to build with my children? I swear by my annual daddy-son trip to Puerto Aventura, an amusement park similar in size to Six Flags. We’ve been doing it since he was five, and three years later, he still asks every month when we’re going again.
Development: Do I understand my children’s developmental needs for the next 18 months, and am I actively seeking resources to support them? Do I understand why my toddler suddenly wants to do everything herself? Where can I go to learn more about their current developmental stage, whether it's books, parenting courses, or talking to experts? How can I adjust my approach to support them effectively?
Success: How do I define success for them? Spoiler alert: It’s probably not about how many sports trophies they earn or the college they get into. Is it about raising kind, happy, independent, empathetic humans? Ambitious Dad Jason Holzer explained, “Great dads have a vision for the type of person they hope their children will become, rather than the ‘what’ they’ll do. As a dad, I often feel the impulse to guide my kids toward specific achievements, but I try to remember the real work is building a whole human, not a career.”
Emotional Support: How can I ensure I’m nurturing their emotional well-being? Am I creating a safe space for them to express their feelings without judgment? How can I be more intentional about listening, validating, and comforting them when they need it?
Growth: What experiences can I provide to foster their curiosity and growth? Film producer and Ambitious Dad Martin Rosete explained, “I try to expose my children to as many different things as possible. As a kid, my family experience was so finite, particularly economically, that I am focused on my children growing up cross-culturally and speaking multiple languages.”
Self-Reflection: Am I aware of my own triggers and how they affect my parenting? How we manage our own urge to control situations and instead allow our kids to learn is critical. Ambitious Dad Leo Martellotto shared, “I want to let my children fail. I want to support them and listen but not solve the issue.”
Legacy: What do I want my children to remember about their time with me? We need to consider legacy from the standpoint of the type of humans we want our children to grow into. “Are we aiming to raise obedient children or self-actualized adults?” mused Andy Mallon. “I don’t know that forcing my kid to talk to a cranky grandpa so that my dad can feel good about me, and I can feel pride as a parent, is helpful.”
Intentional Fatherhood: Lasting Impact
If we’ve learned anything as fathers and leaders, it’s that we have to deliver the right messages at the right times. Being reactive—particularly to short-term challenges with our children—distracts us and our children from our bigger goals, like healthy processing and emotional intelligence.
We all stand to gain by reflecting on our fatherhood philosophies and whether our focus aligns with the kind of person we hope to be raising. Our parenting styles may vary, but they all should be forward-looking so our children can explore, adapt, and grow with the world around them.
If we want to raise self-aware, capable, and fulfilled adults, we should ask ourselves: What are the values I hope my child will carry into adulthood, and how can I nurture these today?