How to Teach Our Children about Our Careers
I remember in the middle of COVID my youngest son, about 2 at the time, walking into my office, crawling up into my chair and banging his tiny fingers across the keyboard of my laptop. “Daddy I’m working like you.” He was so gleeful, but it struck me differently. All my children see is me walk into a room and shut the door. Daddy is (theoretically) unavailable when those doors are shut. If I was 2 or 5 or 10, I would wonder what is so important that Daddy needs to be in there without us.
I heard a version of this from numerous Ambitious Dads. Each one explained that they had a deep yearning to teach their children about their jobs and careers. There were several motivations for this:
We want our children to know more about us. According to a Pew Research Study from 2015, 57% of men see being a parent as extremely important to their identity, almost identical to women at 58%. Yet we also still identify deeply with the careers we’ve chosen, particularly Ambitious Dads.
We want our children to know we’re not just disappearing for no reason. Depending on their ages, telling our kids, “It’s what I do to keep a roof over our heads and 18 streaming stations on your tablets” does not seem to resonate.
We want our children to be proud of us, and the efforts we make. We are deeply motivated to work for their future. 82% dads prioritize their family’s needs over their own according to a Parents and VeryWell Minds survey in 2023.
We want our children to see our values in action. Most Ambitious Dads try to bring their full selves to work, which means our values are on full display there. We want our children to understand the power of these values in action. As one Ambitious Dad put it, “I want them to see me focused on a bigger vision [of service], and not just doing work.”
We want our children to know our work can be deeply fulfilling. Leading, creating, supporting, problem solving… many Ambitious Dads want their children to understand how purposeful work can be. As one dad put it, “I have an ambition to create real change. I want to be sure my children see me as focused on that bigger vision and not just doing work.”
Entrepreneur Lee Frankel wished he had involved his children earlier in his work. “They didn’t really have a sense of what I did. They thought my job was so boring.” Fellow entrepreneur Tom Critchlow explained, “I sit at a computer all day long and my kids don’t know what I do. I aspire to be able to show them more of my work. I want to create a richer picture of what I do and why work is important - beyond the money.” Other Ambitious Dads emphasized that their parents had never tried to incorporate them in their work. As a result, there was a part of them they never really knew or understood.
Converting Your Job into a Value
In my son’s school, each parent is offered a chance to come in and talk to the class about their jobs. This is when I get super jealous of the firemen, doctors and policewomen. They have it so much easier. For the rest of us, we need to get creative. It helps to start with a value.
It was my turn to speak to my son’s kindergarten class this past spring. As a leadership expert and executive coach, I do a lot of different things. I wanted to pick one thing that would resonate with my son. I narrowed in on the idea of change. I asked his 20 five-year-old classmates to stand up and cross their arms (and give me a scowling face, just for fun). Then I told them to uncross them, and cross them again in the opposite direction, (this time with a smile).
“Woah, that’s different right? How does it feel?” I asked them. That led us to a simple discussion about change and why it is hard. I asked everyone if they could give me any examples. Then I asked everyone to color a piece of paper with an image they wanted to give a classmate to help them manage a change. That was more or less it. Twelve months later my son still proudly tells people my job is helping others with change.
So what is the value - if not the most important - then most relevant or understandable, that you can pull out from the work you do and reimagine as a simple game or activity with your kids? Whether you’re a lawyer, consultant, in finance, or sell edibles, find a value in your work and connect it to your child’s life.
In-between Steps
There are many less classroom-style options to choose from, as well. One Ambitious Dad, Jesus Gerena, CEO of award-winning non-profit UpTogether, explained that he occasionally makes calls while dropping off his kiddos at school because he wants them to hear about the work he does helping immigrant families build better futures for themselves. “I want them to understand I am living my values when I am working, so it’s nice to sometimes have them overhear it.”
Another way to intentionally engage around your work is to problem-solve with your kids over a work challenge. Talking about an issue you faced at work today is an awesome way to expose your children to your career efforts, especially if they’re a bit older. One Ambitious Dad loves to talk about acute challenges from his work clients - ethical and creative - and ask his teenage children to suggest ideas to approach the situation.
As children get older, other clever opportunities can present themselves, as well. CEO Radhames Nova, subtly shares his values and impact through his organization’s PR. “My children would see me interviewed for my work at Junior Achievement, and see the impact I make and would notice it.”
And What about Bold Actions?
Dr. James Garas brought his teenage son on a mission trip with Operation Smile, so his son could see the impact of his work, in addition to occasionally bringing him to the hospital to see him in action. Another Ambitious Dad brought his son on a bonding trip that included a few key meetings with clients, which his son attended. He wanted his son to see the alignment of his values at home and at work.
After listening to a number of these stories, I took to experimenting myself. I was leading a zoom workshop on how to give feedback to your colleagues and invited my six year old to participate. Obviously, I knew my client well and was certain it wouldn’t be an issue. I had my son stand on a stool over my shoulder and as we logged on early, the incredible team I was supporting asked my son to select the kickoff music for us to play as the attendees arrived. He was thrilled. After that, he attentively listened for about 25 minutes (of a 90-minute session) before deciding it was time to play with his monster truck. I couldn’t have been prouder, and more deeply grateful.
What’s holding you back?
It is clear that sharing our careers with our children is a deeply held goal of Ambitious Dads. However, most of us have excuses preventing us from taking even tiny steps in this direction. What are yours?
Are you unsure what your children will understand? (You don’t know how to explain lawyering to a toddler, for example).
You work from an office and consider the location a barrier to sharing that part of your life?
You don’t like what you are doing at the moment?
With the exception of laundering money for drug cartels in the Ozarks, Ambitious Dads are generating a range of opportunities for learning for their children - from baby steps to forever memories. Please comment about some of your strategies (or obstacles)! There is indeed strength in sharing.