The Fear Behind the Screens

How our habits, not their devices, are shaping the next generation’s digital values.

My boys love television. There, I said it. And I hate that they do. They don’t watch a ton, maybe an hour a day (when I don’t have extra meetings), but they beg for it constantly. At first, it was shows I could almost feel proud of: Bluey, The Magic School Bus. But now it’s devolved into Beyblades (yes, that’s a show too) and the inevitable K-Pop Demon Hunters. Worse still, they can’t agree, so one watches on the TV while the other begs for my iPhone.

When they come home from school, which ends at 5pm here in Spain, it’s the first thing they ask for. (They also ask in the morning, but we’ve set a hard rule: no TV before school. Their behavior actually improved once we did this.) Still, when I’ve got an evening meeting, the TV too often becomes the babysitter. I’ve even tried the “maybe they’ll play quietly while I sneak in a call” trick, which ends in a spectacular plane wreck four out of five times. Yet the effort to get a babysitter for an hour hardly seems worth it, so cue the Netflix nanny.

Then there are the times I’m just exhausted. After a crazy day, I need just a little space to decompress. The problem is, at least with my 5-year-old, the more I let him watch, the more they seem to beg for it. The “one show” deal rarely stays one show.

I have no idea what rabbit hole their screen obsession will lead them down. All I know is that I worry about it. And I’ve heard the same from virtually every Ambitious Dad I’ve interviewed. So I thought I’d dive headlong into this fear, the data around it, and the best practices that might actually help.

Why It Matters Now: The Data

• Access starts shockingly early: Roughly 40% of 2-year-olds already own a tablet (mine still won’t own their crayon marks on the wall), and 96% of children have access to a smartphone at home (Parents.com, Vox).

• Average daily use is rising: Kids aged 8 and under now average 2 hours and 27 minutes per day on screens. Increasingly, this isn’t TV. It’s YouTube, TikTok, and gaming, much of it unmonitored (Parents.com).

• Sleep disruption is widespread: Children with devices in their bedrooms are twice as likely to get inadequate sleep, which is linked to behavioral and academic struggles according to the American Association of Pediatrics.

• Rewarding with screens backfires: Using digital devices as rewards or punishments is associated with more problematic screen and gaming use according to Pediatric Research from the American Pediatric Society. (So I guess I’m back to bribing with candy corn and new Hot Wheels.)

• Parent modeling matters: Research from American Pediatric Society shows that parent screen use during meals and in bedrooms predicts higher adolescent screen time and more problematic behaviors, while parental limit-setting and monitoring reduce those risks. (I literally bought a book light after reading this. I usually have my phone out when putting my boys to bed).

Screens aren’t neutral. They shape our kids’ habits, attention, and sense of self, often in ways they’re too young to process. And they were never designed with children’s development in mind.

So what our anxiety is telling us is true… when it comes to tech, a reactive strategy won’t cut it. At work, none of us tolerate having zero plan for risks to the business. We build strategies, contingency plans, dashboards to stay ahead. So why do we wing it at home, in one of the areas of parenting we’re most worried about?

Fear is a great first step. It wakes us up. But what will we do with that fear? How will we use it to actually shape our kids’ futures?

The Digital Fears of Fathers

When I ask Ambitious Dads what keeps them up at night, it’s not just the pull of technology, it’s the example we’re setting. We’re used to our partners saying, “Get off your phone,” but our kids won’t call us out. They don’t know any better than the model we give them. To them, presence is whatever they see: a buzzing phone on the table, a dad half-here and half-there.

The digital fears of fatherhood aren’t always what we assume. Most of us already know the implications of social media on teens - higher anxiety, depression, and lower self-esteem (according to the American Psychological Association, and just about anyone raising a teenager). But the deeper fear is closer to home: our kids are learning digital values directly from us.

Howard Gray, Founder at Waveable, shared his daily grind around screen boundaries: “My toddler demands TV a lot. And it’s hard with long winter weekends in a one-bedroom apartment and my laptop and phone within arm’s reach.”

These aren’t abstract concerns. They’re the real push-pull of modern parenting:

• Needing a break (because let’s face it, screens buy us time), but worrying what habits that models.

• Wanting our kids to be digitally fluent, but fearing what too much exposure does to their development.

• Watching our kids resist boredom, and realizing maybe that’s because we resist boredom, too. Our phones fill every empty moment for us. No wonder our kids expect the same. Yet as Dr. Becky Kennedy reminds us, boredom is a gift. It’s where imagination and resilience are born.

• Knowing connection is the antidote, but feeling stretched thin by work, rainy weekends, or just the sheer exhaustion of life.

And I think part of it is what I feel personally, and the research bears out: it doesn’t matter what rules we set - they learn from what we model. I definitely have a no-screens rule at dinner, but where is my phone half the time? On the dinner table, and yes, I occasionally check it.

That’s the heart of the fear. Our kids won’t just inherit the devices we hand them. They’ll inherit the way we use ours. And maybe the harder truth is this: if we’re uncomfortable with our kids being bored, it’s because we’ve forgotten how to be bored ourselves. That’s where the work really starts.

What Works: Practices to Reclaim Presence

The good news: research is clear and we have more influence than we think. While the algorithm is powerful, intentional modeling, boundaries, and shared rituals make a measurable difference. Here are a few best practices I’ve discovered through conversation and research:

1. Build a Family Media Plan
   The world today requires digital expertise. And just as we create strategies at work to manage evolving technologies, we need one at home to guide our kids (and us)! A Family Media Plan does exactly that: it sets clear boundaries (when, where, and how devices are used), builds a shared culture, and clarifies the values behind those choices.

   The best part? It’s flexible because just like tech, our kids’ needs evolve. The American Academy of Pediatrics offers a customizable template here. Other good resources include Common Sense Media’s Family Tech Agreement and ConnectSafely’s Family Guide. The point isn’t rigidity. It’s clarity and alignment so your kids know the “why” behind the rules, and you know you’re all pulling in the same direction.

2. Audit Your Own Habits
   Kids will do what we do more than what we say. Often I have no idea I’m mindlessly picking up my phone at an inappropriate time. Work with your partner and your kids to recognize this. And it turns out that best practice isn’t just modeling restraint, but also narrating your choices: “I’m putting my phone away so I can focus on you.” Research shows this explicit modeling sticks.

3. Co-Use Instead of Covert Use
   Whether it’s YouTube, TikTok, or Minecraft, watch or play with them. Comment, ask questions, and make it a shared experience. Research calls this “active mediation,” and it significantly reduces risks of harmful exposure while boosting kids’ critical thinking.

4. Choose Anchor Times to Be Screen-Free
   Experts recommend keeping devices out of the “big three” routines: wake-up, mealtime, and bedtime. These moments are where self-regulation and connection form. Let them be tech-free zones, for you as much as for your kids.

5. Treat Tech Like Nutrition
   Just as with food, it’s not only about limits, it’s about quality and balance. Some screen time is junk food, some is protein. The best practice is to diversify: creative play, physical activity, conversations, and yes, some screens, but not all screens are equal.

6. Protect Space for Boredom

   Screens fill silence fast. Boredom forces kids to tap into creativity, self-soothing, and resilience. The hard part is that we often struggle with boredom ourselves (hello, reflexive phone check at the red light). Best practice: create “nothing time” at home. These are short windows with no devices, no structured activities, just space. It’s uncomfortable at first, but over time, kids (and parents) discover that stillness grows imagination.

Fewer speeches, better culture

Fatherhood in the digital age isn’t about perfection. It’s about presence. And presence is harder than ever when screens are always within reach.

The truth is, families don’t need speeches about screen time. They need cultures of conversation, boundaries, and rituals that make connection possible in a world that’s designed to distract.